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By John Moltz

This Week in Apple: Spreading the gd:/WORD&

John Moltz and his conspiracy board. Art by Shafer Brown.

Happy Black Friday to all and may the blessing of the deals be upon you! This week Apple is on the rise, Apple sells out of something other than Tim Cook’s integrity (zing!), and some people will do anything to get you to listen to their podcast.

Where’s the beef?

How can you tell there’s no real news the week of Thanksgiving? Because we’re going to talk about Apple’s valuation, that’s how.

Because of fears of an AI bubble and a rumored deal between Meta and Google for AI chips, Nvidia’s stock has discovered that gravity does indeed affect it, despite all previous evidence to the contrary. Apple is now within striking distance of retaking the title of highest valuation.

What does all this mean?

Not. Much.

The highest valuation title does not even come with a free set of steak knives, so what’s the point? If you’re not getting free steak knives for doing something, why even do it?…

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