This Week in Apple: Just another reason to stay home

Apple tells us Tim Cook may be going out for cigarettes soon and he’s not coming back. The Mac Pro may also not be coming back but London thieves will if you try to slip them an Android phone.

To everything, Ternus, Ternus, Ternus

There is a season…

Ternus, Ternus, Ternus.

Yeah, you get it. And Apple hopes you get what they’re laying down because the company is spending a lot of time these days greasing the skids for Tim Cook’s retirement.

“Financial Times: ‘Apple Intensifies Succession Planning for CEO Tim Cook’”

Is that duck fat? Whatever it is, it is designed for minimum possible friction.

Despite the “retirement” rumors, Cook is expected to stay on with the company in an exciting new role: Apple SEIC.

That’s Sin Eater In Chief. What does this role entail? Glad you asked.

See, at just 50 years of age, heir apparent John Ternus is too young and sweet to have to have to perform the more disgusting duties of the job, duties such as giving the president a glass award and then standing there while he fields questions about his close personal ties to a pedophile.…