By John Moltz
This Week in Apple: The phial of Ivegladriel
This time the leaks are coming from outside Apple! Got a yacht? Jony Ive has the product for you. And Apple’s software has enough problems without the UK government messing it up.
Loose lips
Here’s a headline that Apple is sure to love.
“Here’s Every New Apple Product That Leaked Yesterday”
Thanks to a joint effort between Russian YouTube channels and… [checks notes]… the U.S. Federal Communications Commission (seriously, FCC?), several upcoming Apple products were all but confirmed this week. Despite Apple’s request for confidentiality, FCC documents pertaining to the wireless capabilities of a new MacBook Pro and Vision Pro were accidentally released to the public.
Oops. I guess Tim Cook is not up on his payments.
Meanwhile, Russian YouTubers uploaded purported unboxing videos for an M5-based iPad Pro.
While none of these leaks are particularly shocking, this is all definitely going to please Tim Cook like a pair of burlap undies. And Samsung isn’t really helping things any.
“Samsung Confirms Plan to Make Foldable Displays for Major American Company”
Ooh, wonder who that could be. Smooth, Samsung.
Maybe Cook can send another anti-leaking email to all these goofballs, particularly now that the National Labor Relations Board has withdrawn its claim that his previous love letter to employees violated labor laws.
Cook sent the email in 2021, stating that Apple was working to identify people who had leaked information, and that such people do not belong at Apple.
A sentence indicating that they belonged head-first in a dumpster outside Hoboken was reportedly edited out of Cook’s email before sending.
Claims that Apple broke the law by imposing confidentiality rules and surveilling workers are being withdrawn.
They’re not saying Apple didn’t do that, they’re just withdrawing the claim that Apple did that. Important distinction.
Despite the rumor of an update to the Vision Pro, don’t get your heart set on the rumored cheaper and lighter Vision Pro because Mark Gurman says it’s been shelved in favor of Meta-like AI glasses. I’ve been keeping loose track on a pad of paper and I think this is the 4,375th time a rumored Vision product has been scrapped in favor of something else. Pretty sure it’s close to that.
A light when all others go out
While you’re waiting for these upcoming products, perhaps Jony Ive’s LoveFrom can tempt you with its new product.
It’s a lantern…
…that costs $1300 more than a Vision Pro.
Now, before you yell “What the hey, Jony?!”, you should know A) he can’t hear you and B) this makes perfect sense because it’s a sailing lantern. So… you know.
In his introduction to the lantern, Ive waxes nostalgic.
As a young boy, I adored sailing and spending my time on water.
Is there gonna be a delicious seafood recipe at the end of this introduction?
Materials were chosen for integrity…
All the materials were submitted to a Voight-Kampff test before being used to create this lamp. No materials that would not turn over the tortoise were used.
Any chance you can get a bundle of this lantern with that $3000 jacket Ive made for, like, $7000? Probably not.
The more things change, the more they stay the same
This week, Apple released dot-one updates for its operating systems, which touted bug fixes for WiFi issues and, while they may indeed do that, this iPhone 17 owner has not noticed any difference.
Despite the false hopes created by Apple’s sparsely worded release notes, CarPlay still crashes completely a few minutes after connecting to the head unit I added to my car. It’s fine, it’s not like I use my car for travel or anything.
Well, hopefully it’ll get fixed eventually.
Something we thought was fixed, however, now seems to still be broken.
“The British government is still insisting Apple has to create a backdoor into iCloud”
The Financial Times reports that the British government did indeed withdraw its initial worldwide order but has now replaced it with another one applying only to its own citizens.
IF country = “UK” THEN implement backdoor
Sure, that’s totally doable and not at all a problem for everyone who uses iOS. They’ll get right on that, UK government.
[John Moltz is a Six Colors contributor. You can find him on Mastodon at Mastodon.social/@moltz and he sells items with references you might get on Cotton Bureau.]