By Dan Moren
July 31, 2025 2:00 PM PT
The Back Page: But does it cover theft and loss?
In its ever continuing quest for services revenue, Apple earlier this month rolled out its latest subscription service, AppleCare One.
While it might seem like AppleCare One is simply a way to bundle up its extended warranty coverage for your Apple devices, it’s actually a foot in the door of something even more powerful. Even more life changing. Even more… revenue-ing.
AppleCare for you.
That’s right, the clear goal here is the dreaded “con” word. No, not continuity. No, not conventional. No, not courage—that doesn’t even start with con, Todd.
Convergence.
According to my sources, who prefer not to be named because they are totally my invention, and coming up with names is time-consuming1, Apple plans to merge its AppleCare service with Apple Fitness+ and its Health initiatives to form one all-inclusive AppleCare system to take care of the stem-to-stern…er…head-to-toe needs of its customers.
So in addition to paying $19.99 per month to cover three Apple devices, you can fork over an additional $9.99 a month to cover yourself from accidental damage. Sprain your ankle? No problem. Do a little yoga! Feeling under the weather? We got the cure for what ails you.2 Need a battery replacement? Wait, are we talking about you or your iPhone? Look, there’s only so much we can do.
The new AppleCare Health service will be conducted primarily via telehealth services on FaceTime, where your doctor is now a Memoji cow. But because you still sometimes need the human touch to treat, er, humans, part of this new push will involve the addition of urgent and primary care offerings at all Apple Stores. So you’ll be able to walk in and get your latest vaccines3 and pick up a MagSafe charging cable while you’re at it. Honestly, they’re already set up for it: who hasn’t wandered around an urgent care center trying to find somebody to help them?
Weirdly, the MagSafe charging cable will still be more expensive. Or perhaps not that weirdly.
All of this is the natural outgrowth of Tim Cook’s Apple, now that he has solidified his tenure as the longest continuous Apple CEO. Tim has always cared deeply about health…and slightly more deeply about operations and efficiency. What better way to make that his legacy than by combining the two? How do you do healthcare at scale? Tim Cook is the man for the job!4
There will of course be terms and conditions. Additional fees and deductibles will apply, and if you’re obsolete—defined by Apple as being more than four years old—I’m afraid you’re not eligible for AppleCare Health. Because Apple didn’t make $26.6 billion in services revenue last quarter by making bad bets.
- Really used up my quota with Todd there. ↩
- I would like it noted for the record, and here, unlike the rest of this piece, I am being one hundred percent serious: every time I typed “the cure” above, autocorrect changed it to The Cure. So I guess you don’t care about the flu when it’s Friday and you’re in love. ↩
- Where permitted by law, I guess. 😐 ↩
- Tim Cook, it should be noted for legal disclaimer reasons, is not a doctor. ↩
[Dan Moren is the East Coast Bureau Chief of Six Colors, as well as an author, podcaster, and two-time Jeopardy! champion. You can find him on Mastodon at @dmoren@zeppelin.flights or reach him by email at dan@sixcolors.com. His next novel, the sci-fi adventure Eternity's Tomb, will be released in November 2026.]