This Week in Apple: Jump Scares

Apple attempts to shock us with a surprise event, but the scarier thing is the new prices of its services. Don’t worry, though—it’s totally going to ship a cheap MacBook! Uh-huh.

Event horizon

Hey, remember how Apple was done with announcements for the year, and if you wanted to buy an Apple product, you should just go ahead and do that? Haha, wellllll…

• Spooktacular Apple Event on Halloween Eve

Surprise! We are now expected to get new Macs, most likely with M3 processors, next Monday at the bone-chilling hour of, uh, 5 p.m. Pacific time. WhoooooOOOOOOOhhhhhh! If you hurry, there’s just enough time to switch your existing costume out for “sexy M3-based Mac.”

Mark Gurman and Ming-Chi Kuo believe new iMacs and MacBook Pros could be introduced but are mum on the big question:

Will there be another skit?

And will it be Halloween-themed?

Would it kill Tim Cook to switch up his patented “Goood morrrning!”…