The Back Page: The horror, the horror

Halloween! The night when ghouls and goblins roam the streets, demanding treats of innocent residents. When fear haunts our every waking moment, and the line between the worlds of the living and the dead is blurred.

Also, when Apple (roughly) hosts an event to announce…*lightning, crash of thunder*, new Macs, mwahahahahahaha…

What seemed like it might be a one-off event from the year 2023 is destined to become an eerie tradition, as every year, Apple will announce a terrifying line-up of new Mac technology on the evening before Halloween.

With each year, however, the announcements grow more and more terrifying, until customers can hardly tune in to watch, lest their deepest, darkest fears be realized by the grinning reaper that is Tim Cook.

To alleviate these most frightful designs, we have cast the bones and consulted the omens of the two-headed oracle known as “Johnjohny” and can now exclusively reveal to you the spine-chilling announcements coming over the next several years.…