This Week in Apple: Congrats, Russian kids!

What have we learned? This week, it’s that Russia is not happy with iPhones, the iPhone 15 will not be the same as the iPhone 14, and that Apple has reported to Spring Training in the best shape of its life and is ready to play ball.

Jokes that date to the Cold War

The word from the Kremlin this week is that Apple can’t quit Russia, it’s fired! Due to the upcoming Russian elections (gosh, I wonder what the results will be!), the government has banned officials from using iPhones. Their suggestion for what officials should do with them? ”Either throw it away or give it to the children.”

And, if you don’t wipe them, the kids will get their very first lesson in collecting kompromat! Training the next generation for a future in politics: it’s a win-win.

What exactly is Russia’s problem with iPhones, you may ask? Well, the official line is that the ban is “because of concerns that the devices are vulnerable to Western intelligence agencies.”…