By Dan Moren

November 30, 2022 1:53 PM PT

The Back Page: The machine that goes Ping

CUPERTINO, California—November 30, 2022—Apple today announced the launch of its brand new social networking service, Ping.apple. With deep Apple Music integration, unparalelled content moderation, and a total lack of egotistical billionaires, Ping.apple is poised to be the next generation of technology for people to share whatever thought pops into their head.

“We are so excited to bring this surprising and delightful feature to our customers,” said Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO. “Since the days of eWorld, Apple has been at the forefront of online discourse, and what better way to reignite users’ enthuasiasm for sharing than with a beloved brand like Ping.”

Leveraging Apple’s unique combination of hardware, software, and services, Ping.apple will allow users of Apple products to see posts by other users of Apple products about Apple products.

“Ping.apple is poised to be a revolution in social networking. I can’t wait to start pinging all my friends,” said Eddy Cue, Apple senior vice president of Services. “I pinged Tim last night three or four times, including a GIF of me dancing, but he didn’t respond. I guess he was probably on the Peloton.”

Apple Music integration with Ping.social lets you share your musical tastes with other users direct from the Music app, see what music is trending throughout the community, and follow your favorite artists plus U2.

“Music is part of Apple’s DNA, and Ping.apple is the best way to share your experience, just like the original Ping,” said John Friedman, Apple senior vice president of social networking. “Or was that Apple Music Connect? Honestly, it was before my time.”

In addition to Apple Music support, Ping.apple is richly enmeshed within all of Apple’s products and services, allowing users to quickly share movies and TV shows they watch on Apple TV+, books from Apple Books, podcasts from Apple Podcasts, current activity status as they work out in Apple Fitness, and their current body temperature, blood oxygen levels, and heart rate from Apple Watch.

Composing social media posts with Ping.apple is easier than ever. Using the revolutionary interface pioneered by Apple’s Emergency SOS feature for iPhone 14, Ping.apple users will be provided with a short questionnaire of vital questions that they can fill out with a few simple taps, selecting their current mood, up to three hashtags, and one of Apple’s custom memes. This removes the burden posed by most social networking apps, which require users to come up with “content” to post, which leads to the potential for abuse, spam, and sheer inanity. Users can also opt to have Apple craft beautiful pings for them automatically, requiring no user intervention at all.

Ping.apple also includes best in class content moderation, analyzing each ping you compose to advise you whether or not it could be misconstrued, thanks to the same industry-leading machine learning misconstruing algorithm that powers Apple’s Siri virtual assistant.

And Apple’s trademark commitment to security and privacy means that all Ping.social posts and direct messages are completely end-to-end encrypted.¹

Also today, Apple announced that its Ping.apple social networking service will be discontinuted immediately.

[Dan Moren is the East Coast Bureau Chief of Six Colors. You can find him on Mastodon at @dmoren@zeppelin.flights or reach him by email at dan@sixcolors.com. His latest novel, the supernatural detective story All Souls Lost, is out now.]