By Dan Moren
May 31, 2022 1:12 PM PT
The Back Page WWDC preview: The Rainbow Stage hungers
As we here at Apple prepare for the first in-person gathering on our campus in the last three years we wanted to share some ground rules we’re putting in place to make sure that all of our attendees have a pleasant, smooth, and above all safe visit to Apple Park for our annual Worldwide Developers Conference.
We are, of course, excited to welcome developers and a small selection of media and VIPs back to Cupertino for this event, but we do ask that that certain boundaries be respected. Once you have been welcomed onto campus, please ensure that you secure your belongings about your person. Keep all arms and legs inside sleeves and trousers at all times. Be sure and check the color of your badge before attempting to access any restricted areas: blue is for VIPs, green is for media, and red is for the Chosen, long shall they be remembered.
As always, we’re looking forward to sharing the latest details on our hardware, software, and services with all of our avid developers, whom we consider a part of the Apple family. Like a distant part that we don’t actually spend much time with, and wouldn’t entirely miss were they to be suddenly gone. No reason.
Some have asked why we feel it is the right time to welcome visitors to Apple Park, especially as we have delayed our return to a full in-person work environment. In large part, it is because we feel that there is simply no replacement for face-to-face interaction. And, in much smaller part, it is that the dread god Glog-Raggopth hungers for souls. But, we must stress, that is only a very small part. It’s mostly the first one.
We cannot wait until our community is able to gather once more beneath the great arch of the rainbow stage, where we plan on hosting an amazing experience in which a portal to the nether realms will be opened, a gaping maw that can only be filled by the essence of our devoted. All of which our at-home viewers can experience in augmented reality with full spatial audio, though it is no substitute for being there in person, you can be assured.
Of course, COVID-19 is not a bygone concern and we are doing our utmost to make sure that our in-person event does not contribute further to the spread of the pandemic. All invitees are required to be vaccinated, wear a mask, and submit a negative test in the 24 hours leading up to the event. This includes media, developers, VIP guests, and even Glog-Raggopth, although no science has yet proved that eldritch horrors from the void beyond the abyss are capable of contracting COVID-19.
Above all, we hope this year’s WWDC will prove to be a testament to conducting a happy and healthy gathering on the Apple campus, and provide a blueprint for how such events may be conducted in the future, if there remains one after the world is exposed to the unsettling and destructive negative energies of the nether realms, which honestly, we can all agree, might come as a relief to all parties involved.
[Dan Moren is the East Coast Bureau Chief of Six Colors. You can find him on Mastodon at @email@example.com or reach him by email at firstname.lastname@example.org. His latest novel, the supernatural detective story All Souls Lost, is out now.]