By Dan Moren
December 31, 2019 3:36 PM PT
The Back Page: The darkest timeline
The year is 2029. Chaos reigns.
Rebel Google forces, striking from hidden IP addresses routed through Antarctica, have launched their latest offensive against the lumbering behemoth of world domination that is Amazon. Led by its ruthless Chief Executive for Life, Alexa, Amazon dispatches its drone fleets to retaliate, subjecting the Mountain View headquarters to a barrage of boxes containing cutting boards and toilet paper. Some take shelter under ping pong tables, discarded boxes of Google Wave swag, and piles of Nexus Qs—others are not so lucky.
Not far away, Facebook lurks in its underground bunker, marshaling its resources. It has leveraged its immense databases of personal information for an asymmetric guerilla assault on the world’s populace, subjecting everyone to the amplified protestations of their racist uncles, while deluging them in advertising for ways to lose that holiday weight. People want to turn away, but are lured in by cute pictures of puppies and friends’ babies.…