By Dan Moren
June 30, 2017 5:51 PM PT
The Back Page: Leaked Transcript of Apple’s Plan to Stop Leaks
Good morning, and welcome to this important presentation. My name is Karen Redaakted–before you ask, it’s Dutch–and I’m the head of Product Security here at Apple. I’m here today to talk to you about a subject that’s near and dear to the hearts of all of us. Do you know what that is?
No. No you don’t. Because nobody has told you. And nobody has told you because the topic itself is a secret. After all, we wouldn’t want news of our secret briefings to get out into public–that would be terribly embarrassing.
But now that the hermetically sealed doors have been closed and we’ve activated the jamming field that we used to exclusively reserve for press liveblogging our events–not that I am confirming or denying that we ever used it–we can tell you exactly what we’re here to discuss today.
We’ve all got secrets. For example, most of you probably don’t know that Karl will eat any leftover cake in the breakroom refrigerator.…