By Dan Moren
February 28, 2017 4:40 PM PT
The Back Page: Welcome to Apple Park, where there is absolutely nothing sinister going on
Hello, and welcome to Apple Park. Situated on 175 acres of beautiful, rolling greenery, our new campus is a marvel of modern engineering that seamlessly blends with the existing environment. Our goal is to live in harmony with the land, and to benefit from its natural resources—wind, sunshine, trees—to not only provide safe and renewable energy and climate control for our campus, but also to foster a deeper connection with the earth, though suggestions that the location was picked because of a deep confluence of eldritch energies is, frankly, ridiculous.
We’d like to draw particular attention to the considerations we’ve made for the health and well-being of our employees. You can easily lose yourself on the two miles of walking and running paths that run through the campus, though reports that there have been a startling number of disappearances are overblown. A 100,000-square-foot fitness center provides around-the-clock facilities for keeping employees healthy and productive and ensures that they don’t need to set foot out of the building, especially at night.…