This Week in Apple: Will he or won’t he?

Johny Srouji issues a statement, Disney makes some big deals, and the Apple/Epic fight will outlive us all.

Come back, Johny

After Mark Gurman’s worrisome report last week that Apple SVP of hardware technologies Johny Srouji was considering leaving, the report was contradicted on Monday by a subsequent report from, um, Mark Gurman. Hmm.

“Apple Chip Chief Tells Staff He’s Not Leaving ‘Anytime Soon’”

In a memo sent to staff, Srouji denied reports that he had been wistfully staring out the window as autumn leaves fell down onto the piles of cash Meta had been dumping on the lawn at Apple Park to try to entice employees into their unmarked, white van.

After poaching Alan Dye, it’s clear Meta isn’t being that picky. They’ll take anyone from Srouji all the way to Gary, the guy who makes those killer chicken Caesar wraps at Caffè Macs. (Mark Zuckerberg will reportedly stop at nothing to get Gary and corner the market on superior chicken Caesar wrap technology.)…