By John Moltz
April 25, 2025 2:00 PM PT
This Week in Apple: Turning it up
The EU squeezes Apple, the cheapest iPhone goes up a notch, and the Apple Watch is a perfect 10.
Trade barriers for me but not for thee
The European Union is turning up the heat on Apple. Again.
The EU announcement does not specify exactly what it finds to be in breach, although it likely relates to Apple’s App Store fee structure. Apple currently charges a commission of more than 17% on purchases made outside of the app. This would be in opposition to the DMA’s requirement that these abilities be offered “free of charge”.
Yes, 17% is not “free”. Good catch. Weird they only just noticed that as we all noticed when this was first implemented but I get it, there’s just a lot of good television on right now. It’s easy to get distracted.
Fortunately, Tim Cook has low friends in high places, friends who know a thing or two about loudly complaining about things that are just unfair, gosh darn it!
“This novel form of economic extortion will not be tolerated by the United States,” a White House spokesperson said.
We only practice political extortion! And also regular extortion. And, well, sometimes economic, too.
Look, just slap infinity sanctions on them. That oughta do it. If it doesn’t, try infinity plus one. Unless they do that first, then go with infinity infinity. I don’t know why people don’t just start there, it’s just… there’s a process.
“Extraterritorial regulations that specifically target and undermine American companies, stifle innovation, and enable censorship will be recognized as barriers to trade and a direct threat to free civil society.”
Oh, we’re against barriers to trade now? Really. OK.
RIP irony. Dawn of humanity – 2025.
It had a good run.
This ones goes up to 17e
Rumors. They swirl. That’s what good rumors do. And this week they swirled some more around the future of Apple’s most affordable iPhone.
When Apple released the iPhone 16e people asked “What the heck kind of name is this? What happened to just making an iPhone SE whenever you kind of sort of feel like it? If I haven’t bought the iPhone 1e through 15e, can I even get the iPhone 16e? Does this mean we’re going to get a numbered ‘e’ phone every year now?”
People had many questions. As it turns out, we may now have a clue about that last one.
“iPhone 17e already well advanced, says leaker with the right credentials”
There will be a 17e next year, and now it is almost in the trial production stage.
Makes sense. It seems the iPhone 16e is doing pretty well.
“iPhone 16e Sales Outperform SE in First Quarter YoY, Pro Models Decline”
According to Consumer Intelligence Research Partners (CIRP), the iPhone 16e accounted for 7% of U.S. iPhone sales in its first partial quarter, beating the results for the iPhone SE the previous year. That last part shouldn’t be too much of a surprise as the third-generation SE was two years old at the time. It’s like saying I beat my grandfather at a footrace, which is not something I ever did but, let’s face it, pretty sure I would have had he not begged off at that family reunion.
I mean, what even is “gout”? Sounds made up.
Outstand Goal achieving in its field
Congratulations to the Apple Watch, which will be able to drink in just 11 years, should it choose to.
Ah, it seems like just yesterday we were all sending our heartbeats to loved ones and whatever the touch things were that I can’t remember and no one ever uses now.
Wait, is Digital Touch a form of mime? “Oh! Look at me! I am pretending to touch someone but not actually touching them! Ooh-la-la!” Because if Apple was quietly trying to turn us all into mimes, that’s not cool.
Although, I don’t know how else you turn people into mimes, honestly.
The 10th anniversary is the aluminum anniversary so if we wanted to pitch in on a gift we could get the Apple Watch, uh, another Apple Watch, I guess. Seems weird.
Anyway, congratulations to Apple most successful flop ever on making it to 10! Saying “I’m so old, I remember when the Apple Watch was a flop” now might actually be an indicator that you are old so it might be time to stop saying that.
That’s mostly a note for myself.
[John Moltz is a Six Colors contributor. You can find him on Mastodon at Mastodon.social/@moltz and he sells items with references you might get on Cotton Bureau.]